25/05/2019 - Fragile. 

Hi all.  

Apologies for the lack of music recently. Me and my missus had to move house in March as the landlord decided to sell up. We moved into another nearby village and ended up living next door to a mentally ill woman who was always shouting at herself angrily, banging around, blasting out music. Always watching when we left or cane back home and was often in a very close relationship with far far too much alcohol.  

Luckily, we managed to get out of the 6 month tenancy early and have moved again back to nearby where we used to live and are much more settled and happier.  

However, I haven’t managed to set up the studio yet or spend any time making tunes. I never really felt like doing music much at the old house, I was just on edge all the time and so was Michelle she the cat, Winston, so I was anything but inspired.  

Rest assured that when things finally settle down I endeavour to get back to making some more tunes for your ear holes.  

I also recently spent a couple of months in therapy after being diagnosed with Anxiety by the doctor. I explained how I had been feeling for as long as I can remember and it seems I have an ongoing anxiety disorder I have had for many, many years.  

I have accepted the fact I have been ill for a long time and took the plunge to get help. The doctor prescribed me some drugs. I had done time off work to recover and process things better and adjust to the initial side effects.  

I prescribed myself some therapy. I was seeing a counsellor at regular intervals throughout the past 2 months. I’m feeling stronger now and much more stable mentally. I have good and bad days though and I’m still pretty fragile - there’s a lot of ups and downs and life keeps throwing shit at us but I have to remember that we always find a way through them somehow.  

When it is time, my studio will be set back up again and I can get back to doing what I love. As you can see from this blog post - everything has been very up in the air.  

I’m glad I acknowledged I was ill. I’m glad I’ve accepted and made my peace with that. I’m glad I’m proactively working towards a better future. I’m glad I have an extremely supportive girlfriend and a cat (who couldn’t care less but provides me with immense comfort anyway).  

Maybe one day I won’t be sick anymore.  

I have also started writing a book in my spare time and have made significant progress with it. It seems ike a very honest and engaging read highlighting issues I’ve experienced throughout life - the impact that has had on me and has advice thrown in on how I am changing my life and taking back control.  

I am hoping I will finish that one day and self publish it and I’m really hoping it will help people and provide a different take on the “self help” book genre.  

🐻 with me - I’ll be back as soon as I can.  

Much love ❤️  

Ryan (Eqavox)

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